I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
