the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
