apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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