she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
