If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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