I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
