I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
