Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is the high leading the old right now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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