when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize