"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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