I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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