I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
