I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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