peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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