You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
