Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
