from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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