8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There's even glitter on my cock...
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