I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
