I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
