My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
