I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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