He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
why do cheetos always look like penises
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
