The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
