Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
