i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
