Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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