OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
