just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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