If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
cat food counts as protein by the way
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
