OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
