Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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