I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
