apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
