Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
