Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize