My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
