I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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