After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
