I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
