She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
