I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
