R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
