I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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