I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
