You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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