Redeem this text for a blowjob
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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