Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
