If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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