shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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