We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
