we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
