Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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