Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
