I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
