I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
