mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
