He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
