She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
