did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
