4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
