the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
