So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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