; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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