it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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