Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
