you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
