I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
