I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
