Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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