dude i'm inner monologue high
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
